For Women Only : What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men
By ShauntiFeldhahn (Author)
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What's going on in a man's mind? From their early days, every woman has struggled to understand why males behave the way they do. Even long–married women who think they understand men have only scratched the surface. Beneath a man's rugged exterior is an even more rugged, unmapped terrain. What bestselling author Shaunti Feldhahn's research reveals about the inner lives of men will open women's eyes to what the men in their life – boyfriends, brothers, husbands, and sons – are really thinking and feeling. Men want to be understood, but they're afraid to "freak out" the women they love by confessing what is happening inside their heads. This book will guide women in how to provide the loving support that modern men want and need.
These books are so helpful in understanding not just the opposite gender, but yourself as well. My husband and I read these before we got married. I HIGHLY recommend using the method of buying both books, and personalizing them for your partener before reading the other. ( I read For Men Only first, and wrote notes next to things that were/weren't true about me,etc., and he did the same with For Women Only).
Saved my marriage
My husband was going to leave me after 20 years of marriage. Listening to this book on tape, and him listening to "For men only", turned our marriage completely around. I thought I knew a lot about men, having read a ton of relationship books. But this gave me a deep insight to my husband's needs and how he is hardwired to respond. Now, when I want to discuss an issue and he is quiet, I know that means he is processing the issue step by step and not ignoring me. Wish I had learned this 30 years ago. Could have saved us both a lot of heartache.
read these companion books together and its been an amazing experience. I read the men only one first ...
My husband and I read these companion books together and its been an amazing experience. I read the men only one first and personalized it for my husband so he could understand me more, by making notes, and highlighting things etc. My husband did the same to the women only book, and then we switched. Wow has this made a difference in our marriage. Its as if lightbulbs went off in both our minds. I definitely recommend these to any couple whether you feel like you need them or not.
Eye opening but lacking tips for application
I am in my 30s, been married for 4 years, and am a full-time working mom. My marriage has been in distress, and my husband refused to go to counseling. I purchased this book in hopes of finding some guidance. The book is a very quick read. I was surprised at how small the book actually is; however the book is loaded with information. I liked that it was written from the women's perspective and that the author provided stories about her struggles with her husband. The information was very relatable, and I definitely had a couple of "ah-ha!" moments. There were passages that seemed to describe my husband perfectly. I am not very religious; however I was not turned off by the biblical references. My question is, now what??! I am not sure how to implement changes to improve my marriage. The book explains that a husband absolutely needs to be respected and affirmed. There was a little guidance, but I need help with how to really implement changes. The lack of practical tips left me disappointed, but overall I thought the message of the book was very helpful. The survey results are undeniable and help me understand the importance of respect in a marriage. My husband and I are stuck in a cycle of lack of respect on my part and lack of love on his part. I am very hurt and angry, but I want to better my marriage. I am going to try the following actions for the next 30 days to see if there is an improvement. I have not talked to my husband about this book yet, I am going to wait to see if I get results. My 30-day action plan: 1) Always accept his opinion and judgement on a matter and only offer my opinion if asked 2) Initiate casual physical connections at least once a day (ie: rubbing shoulders, sitting next to on couch, etc.) 3) Initiate sex at least once a week I will give an update regarding the results. I am unsure about item #1 above. I consider myself a modern feminist; however I know that my husband thinks that I am critical and demanding. I am hopeful that by acting more respectful that he will in turn actively seek out my opinion so we have an equal relationship. I certainly don't have anything to lose at this point. I already thank him on a regular basis for important little things that he does to help with our child and around the house. I also tell him that I love him and always ask him about his day. (Wish he would do the same for me!) Any other tips would be appreciated! UPDATE 05/08/2013: We are definitely in a much better place in our relationship now compared to 30 days ago. I did not follow my plan exactly as I had intended, but I did make a lot of changes. I also learned a lot about how I treat my husband and how I need to continue to change. Comments about my specific action plan steps: 1) I often forgot that my plan was to always accept his opinion. I need to work on this area. I have found that if I carefully listen to what he has to say, acknowledge what he has said, and then offer my two-cents - he is much more open to my opinion. Or if I wait awhile and then later offer my opinion, that works too. My DH just really wants to feel that he is heard and that his opinion is respected. 2) I often forgot to initiate casual physical connections until the very end of the day. I admit that it felt like a chore on my "to-do" list which is really horrible. It made me realize how much our relationship has changed from our early courtship to now being parents of a toddler. I am working on being more casually physical, and my DH seems to really appreciate it. He has been reciprocating quite a bit. 3) I only did this once the whole month. Epic fail on my part. I am committing to implementing this step during the next 30 days. Although I was not successful at carrying out each action step - it did open my eyes in a big way. I realize that I can make a lot of positive changes in our relationship. I also realized that I critique my husband A LOT about things around the house that need to be done or should have been done differently. He NEVER critiques me. Literally, never. I would hate to be treated the way I treat him. So I am definitely working on making changes in that area too. If I continue to be aware of my actions, I am confident that things will continue to improve. I plan on talking to my DH at some point about the book, but I am waiting until we are on more solid ground.